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Es La Lista De La Semana!

Yes, it’s that time once again. For the swallows to return to Capistrano. And for Ranker’s blog post about the timely lists that were made on the site this week. That swallows thing is weird, though. Where are they going? Why go back to San Juan Capistrano when, seriously, Newport Beach is not that far up the coast and has better restaurants? These are just some of nature’s mysteries.

It’s no mystery whey Ranker has so many great, timely lists, though. Because they’re so fun and easy to make. (Segue!)

For example, earlier this week, the FBI announced there may be a break in the long-standing D.B. Cooper hijacking and disappearance case. (For those of you who aren’t up on your relatively obscure ’70s cultural memes: Cooper hijacked a plane and received a $200,000 ransom before parachuting out and essentially vanishing.) It was only a few hours after the news broke that we had a great Ranker list of Criminals Who Vanished Mysteriously. Some of these guys, like “Whitey” Bulger, have since been captured, but a few remain at large, including three guy who escaped Alcatraz.

Pretty sure this one’s being held at the Castle Brunwald on the Austrian-German border.

Or there was that interview Mila Kunis gave about her new movie “Friends with Benefits” that included her telling off a reporter in her native Russian:

You insult Kunis during an interview? STRAIGHT TO SIBERIA!

Kunis doesn’t play that. Should have known by now.

Anyway, this inspired Ranker user Calistyle to take a look at amazingly bilingual celebrities, some of whom you may not even have realized could speak multiple languages. (And no, before you ask, Pauly Shore is not speaking another language… That’s just gibberish.)

Finally, another week means a raft of new big anticipated summer movies, and even though it’s August, Hollywood is still going strong. The most anticipated movie this weekend was, of course, the new prequel to Planet of the Apes, starring James Franco as the human who explains why our species deserves to be wiped out. (Which, I suppose, means he’s playing himself.)

Listen, smart guy, if you don’t want your hyper-intelligent chimp to lead a monkey revolution against your civilization, maybe don’t call him CAESAR. Asking for trouble. Also, NAPOLEON would be a good one to avoid, particularly if you have a pig farm.

While we’re on the subject of movies, by the by… You should really check out Ranker’s in-depth statistical analysis of our Worst Movies Ever list, if you missed it the other day. We get Medieval on our Crowdranked guide to the Worst Movies Ever Made, using high-level mathematics to split the worst movies into groups and look at what they have in common. Using this research, scientists may one day be able to create the ultimate Terrible Movie, that is equally displeasing to everyone who sees it. Well, that’s the dream, anyway…