Yes, the title of this post is a “Twilight” reference. I’m going to go take a 4-hour bleach bath in the hopes that, one day, I might feel clean again.
OK, back. It’s been a dazzling week in the World of Entertainment. Last week, the Emmy Awards taught us all how to laugh again. The new Fall TV season immediately caused us to once more forget how to laugh. Award hopefuls and big end-of-year films began rolling out into movie theaters. And one of the world’s biggest rock bands decided to stop touring and go back to standing in the place where they live. (Now face North!)
Let’s get to it…
First “Whitney” Airs to Universal Acclaim… No, Wait, What’s the Opposite of Acclaim?
About a month ago, we asked Ranker users to rate the new Fall TV series they were most excited about. “Person of Interest” topped the results, followed closely by FOX’s “Terra Nova” and the Zooey Deschanel sitcom “The New Girl.”
This week, we’ve finally gotten a chance to see if the Ranker-ers were right on the money. (Certainly, their collected lack of interest in “The Playboy Club” and “Charlie’s Angels” seem to have been warranted.)
SOMEHOW, “Whitney” – the throwback sitcom featuring stand-up comic Whitney Cummings – was the #6-rated overall most anticipated show, despite featuring some of the most hacky and irritating advertisements for any TV series (or, really, thing) in recent memory.
The expression on that actor’s face in the background is completely surreal. It’s like, “Hey, look at that, I’m on a billboard next to this smiling lady. All right… Oh, a Wahoo’s. Maybe I can get some fish tacos after this.”
The Fall TV season also means that long-time favorite shows are back from their summer hiatus. Which means “Fringe” is introducing its 8th parallel universes, Ashton Kutcher is replacing Violent Tiger Torpedo of Wizard Truth Charlie Sheen on “2 and a Half Men” and “The Simpsons” is back for Season 93! (“Simpsons” fans really owe it to themselves to check out this awesome collection of Springfield USA Tourist Attractions. Look out, Utica!
If you end up in the Russian District, you’ve gone too far.
Will America Accept a Shirted Taylor Lautner?
New films this weekend included “Moneyball” – with Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill – and “Dolphin Tale,” a 3D film about Morgan Freeman fitting a dolphin for a prosthetic tail. Seriously. We did a list about quotes from the movie “Dolphin Tale”. This is my job, people. Get on board.
“I guess I just figured… we’d already helped every human being on Earth who was missing a limb, and it was probably time to get started with fish. Mammals, whatever.”
But the big news this weekend were the reviews for Taylor Lautner’s new action/thriller “Abduction.” They were not good! At all! Often hilariously so!
Take Kyle Smith of The New York Post: “Actual abduction may be preferable to the movie of the same name, but only if your kidnappers don’t torture you by forcing you to watch it.”
And so forth.
R.E.M Thinks They’ve Had Too Much Of This Life
Well, hang on.
Yes, Athens, Georgia’s very own R.E.M. has called it quits after just over 30 years together this week, after lead singer Michael Stipe announced he intended to spend more time at home with his beard.
And now, because I’m the one writing this blog, my favorite R.E.M. song:
Had considered picking “Radio Free Europe,” but going for the first popular song on the debut album seemed too insufferable.
Ranker users commemorated the occasion by voting on their favorite all-time R.E.M. albums (Life’s Rich Pageant is out to an early lead), and counting down some of their fondest R.E.M. moments and memories. Mercifully, Shiny Happy People did not make the cut. Really can’t stand that one…