When professional celebrity Kim Kardashian married sports star Kris Humphries in a two hour E! TV special, it seemed like a match made in Reality TV Producer heaven. I mean, after all the suffering and heartbreak that poor Kim had gone through, what with a leaked sex tape that happened to slingshot her into stardom and on again off again relationships with multiple football players, the nation wept to see her finally settle down with her hulking Prince Charming.
Now all our hopes and dreams of a happy ending for little Kim have come crashing down. With the announcement today that Kim and Kris’ epic 72-day old marriage was coming to an end, the internet exploded in response. It was with great remorse that Ranker user Ariel Kana has put together the Funniest Reactions to Kim Kardashian’s Divorce.
God Speed Kim. We all hope that your heart heals and you learn to love again. Hopefully in time for next May’s sweeps.
It’s Sunday evening, it’s the week before Halloween, it’s time to look at the big news of the week and how it relates to lists that were written on Ranker.com! (I know, just what you were thinking to yourself only moments ago.)
Muammar Gaddafi’s Name Was Hard to Spell and Now He’s Dead
If I had to sum up the Internet’s reaction to the death of long-time Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi, that would be it. But if I had a bit more time to expand on that, it would look like this list of Internet Reactions to Gaddafi’s Death. They range from the humorous to the sardonic to the sardonically humorous, with most of them fixated on Gaddafi’s bizarre personal style and peculiar appearance, rather than, say, his human rights record. Such is the Internet.
Also, because it wouldn’t be the Internet without constant pop culture references being run into the ground, Gaddafi’s death was also another chance for everyone to get “Back to the Future” out of their system. Oh, and was this yet another excuse to resuscitate the zombie-like “Chuck Testa” meme? Nope. Oh, I mean, yup.
The Most Influential Contemporary Americans. Besides Octomom, Of Course.
This week will see the release of the Steve Jobs biography by Walter Isaacson, who enjoyed unprecedented access to the late Apple founder and International Turtleneck of Mystery. Everyone’s buzzing about the huge revelations said to be contained between the book’s covers. For example, did you know Steve Jobs was the one who suggested to Kris Kross that they wear their clothes backwards? It would be weird if you did know that, because I just made it up. So, just saying, one of the two of us is lying.
More discussion of Jobs and his importance to global technology and innovation got lots of Ranker users thinking… who are the most influential, important contemporary American thinkers? The late 20th Century and early 21st Century figures who have had the most impact on the way each American citizen lives and thinks. (We’re remaining fairly vague about exactly what “contemporary” means, but most of the folks on the list seem to date from about the 1980s and on.) Jobs, obviously, ranks pretty high, as does fellow technologist Mark Zuckerberg. Also notably on the list? Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. OK, fine, he’s in 80th place, and yes, I may have put him on there myself. But he made the list folks.
Don’t think he’s influential? How many of you were just compelled to vomit a bit in your own mouth? I think I’ve made my point.
AND SPEAKING OF LAME REALITY TV STARS…
That’s what we in the business call a segue, folks.
“Jersey Shore” wrapped up its fourth season this week, with the cast members departing from their borrowed home in Florence and the entire continent breathing a huge sigh of relief. (Yes, there’s that whole imminent threat of economic collapse thing, but at least they get to face it Snooki-free!)
All of this begs the question… as much as it’s hilarious and fun to hate on the “Jersey Shore” kids… are they really the most vile, loathsome characters reality TV has brought into our homes? Are there people out there more insipid, banal and hateful? This crowd-sourced list of the Worst Reality TV Stars attempts to answer that very question.
Just going to put out there… Kim Kardashian qualifies for this list. I know my Rankers pretty well, and I’m thinking she’s probably going to be tough to beat. Smart money is on at least one Kardashian making it into the Final 3. Just based on numbers alone, they’ve got to like their chances.
And while we’re rating the worst of TV’s cheesiest genre, check out the crowd-sourced list of the overall Lamest Reality Shows. Or don’t. You ain’t have to take my advice. I’m not here to make friends.
Happy Birthday to Snoop!
And finally, Tha Doggfather himself, Calvin Broadus, better known as Snoop Dogg, turned 40 years old this week. He’ll celebrating with a tall, cool glass of Gin and Prune Juice. No, but seriously, though, he’s still obsessed with the chronic. Chronic back pain. What, we have time for one more? OK, he’s still asking people “What’s my name?,” but only because he’s genuinely forgotten.
And if you don’t think three solid one-liners is enough effort to earn a click-through to this list of Snoop’s greatest music video hits, well, then you’ve got a lot to learn about being a solid Internet citizen, my friend.
Fine, one more. Years of constant blunt smoking means that now his lung function is dropping like it’s hot. There, see? You got greedy.