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Outstanding Achievement in Listing of the Day

The Emmy nominations were announced this morning, if you happened to be in Los Angeles and awake at an hour that most of us would consider “obscene.” These award nominations are always interesting, because so many of the same people are nominated year after year for the same awards. Steve Carrell has been up for Best Actor in a Comedy Series 5 times and has yet to win. Jon Hamm’s hoping the 4th nomination is a charm for his role as ’60s ad exec Don Draper. But it’s all worth it for that moment of triumph, when all the world loves you, and then immediately forgets which person actually won the award, and who just appeared on stage as a presenter.

– Have any of us actually won Emmys for this show yet?

– I don’t remember. Let’s smoke indoors.

This year, we’re putting our necks out by making some bold Emmy Winner Predictions on Ranker. We’re not the gambling type, but our money’s on “Mad Men” and “Mildred Pierce” to have a big night. (Be on the lookout for a potential “Boardwalk Empire” upset, however.) Also, we’re thinking Carrell will finally get the award for his last season on “The Office.” You know, to go along with that entire room filled with Dundees.

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Give Me All the List of the Days That You Have

It’s the height of summer, and the crew from Ranker has clearly missed a lot of its favorite shows. So we’ve seen an uptick in lists collecting the best moments from certain popular TV characters.

First up, for obvious reasons, is “Parks and Recreation’s” own Ron Swanson, a man whose staunch libertarianism and love for salted pork products has rocketed him into the Internet popularity stratosphere in 2011. (He even has a blog about cats who resemble him AND his own fake Ben and Jerry’s flavor!”)

Ron Swanson Ben and Jerry's

Not remotely one of the series’ focal points when it debuted a few years back, Nick Offerman’s Director of the Parks and Rec department has taken over as the show’s primarily protagonist of late.

Ranker’s rundown of Ron Swanson’s Greatest Moments includes a number of great clips of Swanson being Swanson. Leading things off, naturally, is the Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness:

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Remember, skim milk is on there twice for a REASON. (Also, there’s just something funny about a grown man saying the phrase “deer meat.”)

One of our favorite comedy series is actually back this week after a year-long hiatus. Yes, it’s Larry David’s HBO powerhouse “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” And though we love Larry, Marty Funkhauser, Richard Lewis and all the other usual suspects, it’s comedian J.B. Smoove as Larry’s one-time houseguest Leon Black that we felt really deserved a page of his own.

Leon Black

You made a list for me? Never heard of it. Who gave you this number?

Leon’s Quotes and Scenes page can get a little…blue…but we tried to really capture the character’s ESSENCE on the page. Which means you’re going to be talking about butts a lot. There’s just not much that can be done about that…

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Ranker's Memes of the Week: Under the Sea Edition

We love memes. Are there occasionally times at Ranker HQ when we’re all quietly sitting at our desks, browsing the AdviceAnimals subreddit when we are meant to be working? Of course not, Ranker CEO Clark Benson who rarely checks in on our blog! I didn’t see you there for a second! Ha ha!

Anyway, where were we. Memes. Funny. Blog-style cutesy intro. Here are some of the best and brightest of the Internet fad world that have been cataloged by Ranker’s community for your amusement:

Hipster Ariel

You know how, if you put glasses on top of an image of Disney’s Little Mermaid, it sort of looks like she’s judging you. That’s because she’s judging you. This is the meme in which you find out that, though she wanted to be part of our world, it was really just so she could make snarky comments about it. Ari-EL!!!!

Oh, you guys have legs? How, um, retro…

In the series of captioned photos that bear her name, Hipster Ariel spends most of her time informing you that you are too mainstream. Perhaps she moved to Silverlake, which doesn’t, as the name implies, really have a particularly swimmable lake, but DOES have a lot of irritating hipsters?

What ever happened to the innocent girl from the classic animated movie who liked to dance around to Calypso music? Can we get her back?

For more evidence that Ariel whole demeanor has just CHANGED to fit her new spectacles, check out Ranker’s Best of the Hipster Ariel Meme. And then hope the same fate doesn’t befall poor Simba!

Horrifying Houseguest

He’s climbing in your windows. He’s snatching your people up. But don’t worry, he’s just trying to SCARE them to death. Nothing untoward. No need to hide your kids, wife or husband, as the case may be.

Yes, he’s the Horrifying Houseguest (sometimes referred to as the Never Alone), the creation of someone truly disturbed who apparently thought that too many of us were getting a good 8 hours of sleep per night. (Did I say 8? I meant 3-5 hours of sleep per night! Working hard, Mr. Benson! No time for casual gaming here!)

They’re trying to resurrect the Antoine Dodson meme. Scared yet?

In images featuring the Horrifying Houseguest, he’s typically making creepy threats, such that a spirit haunting the bedchamber of an Edgar Allan Poe protagonist might issue. For example:

It’s like the terrifying imagination of HP Lovecraft plus the awe-inspiring wonder of a doodle uploaded to the Internet.

If you’ve decided you just hate having your wits about you, by all means, see much much more of the Uninvited Guest on Ranker’s Guide to the Horrifying Houseguest Meme. Just, for goodness sakes, don’t feed him after midnight.

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Louis CK is Hilarious in Today's List of the Day

Have you heard of Louis CK yet? Over the last decade he’s been coming up as a prominent stand-up comedian. Like most comedians, he’s had failed television shows and an up-and-down career. But unlike most comedians, the man comes up with about an hour of new material once a year which, for a comedian, is absolutely insane. No falling back on old jokes, just ever-changing, apt, astute and hilarious comedy. 

Here are some great bits of his… 

On Being Broke

And here’s a good compilation by the DiggReel of his stuff on race, single people and the difference between men and women (some very NSFW language). 

So, inevitably, Louis CK is absolutely hilarious on television appearances. From Conan O’Brien, to The Daily Show, Louis CK has made memorable television out of almost every appearance he makes on any show (yes, even on Jay Leno’s “new” Tonight Show). 

So, today’s list of the day is a huge salute to Louis CK and his absolutely amazing television appearances. 

The Funniest Louis CK TV Talk Show Appearances

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Lists of the Day of the Week. No, That's No Good…

What an eventful, crazy week of things happening that was, right? I mean, things happen every week, but this week…things REALLY happened. And Ranker users were right there, the whole time, making lists about it. Except for when they had to race to the fridge for a Diet Mountain Dew refill. Cause it was hot out there. (That’s not product placement, either. We at Ranker are just big fans of Diet Mountain Dew. Don’t judge.)

Here’s just some of the things that got listed this week…

RIP Betty Ford

One of America’s most outspoken and admired First Ladies, Betty Ford, passed away this week at the age of 93. Though historically significant for the bold feminist stances she made during her husband Gerald Ford’s relatively brief tenure as president, Ford is perhaps best remembered as the founder of the rehabilitation clinic, The Betty Ford Center.

The Center was forever memorialized in “The Simpsons” episode where Marge and Lisa take in a stage production called “Kickin’ It: A Musical Journey to the Betty Ford Center.” Observe:

The Simpsons…is there a single American organization they haven’t joked about at this point?

Anyway, for these achievements and more, it wasn’t a tough decision to add the late Ms. Ford to Ranker’s list of political wives who’ve overshadowed their husbands. I mean, President Ford was only president for 3 years! That hardly even counts! (Just kidding, Ford fans.)

Google Plus

By now, most of the Internet’s enthusiastic early adopters have flooded in to search giant Google’s new social network, Google+. What are the advantages of Google +, the new platform, over Facebook, the system everyone’s already been using for years, you may ask? Well…um…there’s circles for your friends! And…it’s not Facebook!

Not pleased…

If you’re one of the millions who’s giving The Plus a try for the first time this weekend, may we humbly recommend Ranker’s ultimate guide to Google Plus tips and tricks for navigating the site? It covers most of the big questions n00bz will have upon logging in for the first time (“what’re these roundy things with the faces in ‘em?”), and also has some more high-level suggestions like hotkeys for navigating a bit faster, and options for importing your Facebook buddies.

Carmageddon Approaches!

For those of you who don’t live in Southern California, allow me to explain. Traffic is already very, very, very bad here. And next weekend, the city is planning to blow up the side of a mountain (!) and will have to shut down the 405 freeway for 2 full days. This will have roughly the same amount of impact on Los Angeles traffic as a series of nuclear bombs going off at random intervals city-wide. Just with more potential fatalities. (Also, no one steal that screenplay idea!)

What do you do, hotshot? What do you do?

To help brace us all for the impact, Ranker’s Ariel Kana looked back in horror at the worst traffic jams of all time. I’ll admit, it made me feel a bit better. (In an odd coincidence, Ms. Kana was NOT the only Ariel to make a big splash on Ranker this week…)

Take It Bachmann!

Minnesota Representative and Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann is no stranger to controversy. She once proposed that someone investigate Congress to root out individuals with anti-American views, and she kind of implied that Obama might be responsible for the swine flu. As one does.

This week was no different, with Bachmann (and presidential hopeful Rick Santorum) making headlines for signing a document called “The Marriage Vow – A Declaration of Dependence Upon Marriage and Family.” A passage near the beginning of the two-page paper caused some degree of uproar. It read:

“Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA’s first African-American President.”

Both Bachmann and Santorum responded by explaining that they were signing the “candidate vow” portion of the paper only, which pledges to, among other things, ban all forms of pornography. The group behind the document also removed the controversial passage later in the week.

New Movies!

We’re still in the height of summer, so a bevy of new releases continue to hit cineplexes every weekend. This week saw the opening of not one but two new comedies – the dark workplace satire “Horrible Bosses” and the slapstick Kevin Jame vehicle “Zookeeper.”

This doesn’t seem TOO horrible…unless she’s really biting down hard, in which case I’m fairly certain you can press charges.

We linked it a few days ago, but if you missed it…here’s Ranker’s guide to the most hilarious takedowns of “Zookeeper,” surely one of the year’s worst-reviewed films.

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Yao Ming Gets His Own List of the Day

Today (Saturday)’s List of the Day is a simple, thorough, and respectful homage to the most famous Asian man in the history of the NBA. Yao Ming has a spot in NBA history, and this list is proof. 

We will miss you, your performance

and his very, very popular meme

Have a great journey, Yao Ming. And thanks for all your hard work. 

The 15 Greatest Yao Ming Career Moments

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This is the Worst Reviewed List of the Day Ever

Today (Friday)’s list of the day is a warning. It’s a friendly reminder from us to you, because we not only care about you, but care about the future of film. 

Zookeeper will be a crappy movie. 

Unless you have kids, or unless you’re looking to bring a flask with some friends to a kids movie (a practice that we here don’t condone by any stretch of the imagination, of course), this movie is going to suck. 

This movie features not only Kevin James asking animals for dating advice, but those animals giving it to him, and then laughing at him. This is about as funny as this movie gets. 

So, because this movie is such an absolute piece of… work (?), here are The 15 Most Hilariously Horrible Reviews of Zookeeper

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Today's List of the Day Just Shouldn't Have Kids

Some people just shouldn’t have kids. Period.

Did you know that earlier this year a woman bought her 7-year old daughter an elaborate birthday gift that made the news? Did you know that the birthday gift in question was a breast augmentation surgery voucher? And that not only was she not surprised by it, she was excited? She asked for some other things which she also got, making it a multi-thousand dollar birthday, so needless to say, this will be one well-adjusted, socially giving human being in 10 years.

7-year old boob job

Also in mother-of-the-year awards news, a pregnant woman actually believed that smoking 15-20 cigarettes every single day while she was pregnant made her daughter Lily “stronger”. 

So, inspired by the recent Casey Anthony verdict, the extremely irreverent (you have been warned, these actually get very dark near the end) Ranker user Michael Gibson brings us The 13 Absolute Worst Parents of 2011 (So Far)

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Today's List of the Day is Not Guilty

So, Casey “Everyone Thought I Was Guilty” Anthony was found not-guilty of first degree murder of her own child today. In case you haven’t heard the story, negligent mother Casey Anthony’s toddler-aged daughter Caylee Anthony was found dead. After this, there was a lot of evidence pointing to the idea that Casey Anthony killed the daughter herself. Quite a lot, actually. Enough for this acquittal to be compared to the OJ Simpson trial. And pretty much everyone had an opinion about this. 

Casey Anthony Reactions

So, in light of Casey Anthony being, surprisingly, acquitted, here are The 9 Most Surprising Acquittal Verdicts of All Time. From OJ to the LAPD, nobody thought these people were innocent… until we were informed that they were.

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Everywhere Around the World…They're Coming to the List of the Day

Happy birthday, America! It’s July 4th once again, which means a day off from work. Hooray! Oh, yeah, and also time to reflect on the founding of the nation and those who bravely gave of their lives in order to declare our independence from England. That’s good too.

We know you’re probably going to spend the day with friends, at barbecues, watching fireworks and other, wholesome outdoorsy kinds of activities. Totally get that. But maybe, just maybe, you’ll have a few minutes to spare to look at some amazing Ranker lists! (Or it’s possible you’re also just pretending to have lots of social, active things to do as an excuse to lounge around in pajamas all day surfing the Internet and eating cereal straight from the box with total impunity. Don’t think it had not occurred to us.)

In either case, you’ll definitely want to check these lists out:

Horrible Fireworks Accidents

Just as integral to the July 4th holiday as hot dogs and ironic aprons are the annual warnings to children and immature adults not to play around with dangerous explosives. But, of course, some people just don’t listen. Which is why this list is both entertaining and a helpful cautionary tale, all wrapped up into one.

In this sample clip, an entire fireworks FACTORY explodes:

No one was injured, so it’s okay to find this clip amusing. And to post this: 

When are they gonna get to the FIREWORKS FACTORY?

Some day, Milhouse…Some day…

US History’s Most Important Battles

Sure, at Ranker we have a lot of fun posting animated “Simpsons” gifs and videos of exploding factories. But we’re also about LEARNING, people!

Dozens of community members so far have helped us narrow down this thorough list of the most significant battles in US military history.

Interestingly, battles of the American Revolution – the reason for the season, as it were – don’t seem to rate all that high on the list. The Battles of Lexington and Concord, which served to kick off the conflict, currently don’t appear on the list until #8. Think this is wrong? Let us know by going through to the list and voting for the battles YOU think matter the most. It’s not too late to have your opinion change around the order of the list.


What could possibly be more American than a Michael Bay movie about 3D robots from space killing each other while simultaneously taking out large sectors of Downtown Chicago? NOTHING! (Except maybe Tom Hanks going to community college, I suppose…)

Now you can relive all your favorite moments from one of the summer’s loudest films with our list of the best quotes from “Transformers: Dark of the Moon.” Yes, there is actually dialog in the film. I swear. Even aside from Tyrese grunting. You may have gone to the restroom at that part. Understandable, as the movie is, after all, approximately 11 hours long.

Yes, my face is somewhat cold and expressionless for a lead character in an extended film franchise. So what? Wanna 3D robot fight about it?

The Greatest US President…Ever…

Votes are still being tallied for our massive CrowdRanked list that will settle – once and for all – who was the greatest American president to date. Unsurprisingly, lanky stove-pipe hat enthusiast Abraham Lincoln is out in front. Much to the consternation of this man…

Oh, Franklin Pierce…will you ever win?

Some of our most unpopular recent presidents – your Tricky Dick Nixons, for example – are still faring rather well, actuall. It really is still anybody’s game. Unless you’re Warren G. Harding, that is. I guess we’re all still kind of upset about that Teapot Dome Scandal thing.

This one’s going to be a nail-biter, so be sure to get in there and make your own ranking, which is the best way to influence the final result.

Plus-Size Video Game Heroes

Finally, a list about our uniquely American love of things that are BIG. Ranker user Adam Thomas threw together a salute to the overweight Americans of video game history that we think is worth a look, even if you’re one of those gamers who prefers a vegan option.

The comments thread already has some provocative challenges to the list. Though Mario is clearly of Italian descent (and speaks with an Italian accent, even), are the accepted parts of the Mario canon implying he lives in Brooklyn enough to quality him for the list? And what of King Hippo? Surely he was from some place called “Hippo Island”! Also, whose brilliant idea was it to put an enormous cartoon band-aid over the sole weak spot on his entire body? Let’s think ahead, folks…

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