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The List of the Week Was Born This Way

Put your paws in the air, list fans! It’s an All-Music List of the Week post!

Lady Gaga opened the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards with a very peculiar 4-minute monologue in character as her new awesome, fascinating, not-at-all-manufactured alter-ego. His name is Jo Calderone, and he’s basically like Andrew Dice Clay + Frank Rizzo from “The Jerky Boys” mixed with a cheesy greaser from an old ’50s B-movie. So “Calderone” started the show by discussing his long, complicated relationship with… who else… Lady Gaga!

Hickory dickory dock… oooohhhhhhh!!!

It was just the latest in a long series of Strange Lady Gaga Fashion Choices. And hey, at least dogs won’t chase her around the neighborhood on her way home this time.

In other music news this week, Internet comedy troupe and occasional rock band OK Go have released their latest sure-to-go-viral YouTube clip. This time, it’s in support of their (honestly? kind of unbearable) cover of The Muppet Show theme. And it co-stars those lovable rapscallions, The Muppets! Yaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!

If you missed it, that “yaaaaaaayyyyyy!” is supposed to be like when Kermit the Frog throws his head back and says “Yay!” It’s not just me being lame. I’m sorry for putting a little thing called SUBTEXT in these posts!

Can’t get enough of shenanigans designed to keep you entertained through 3-4 minutes of OK Go music? Then do yourself a favor and check out (and even vote!) on our guide to the Very Best OK Go Videos. I know, I know, I haven’t done the best sales job on this one, but please click through anyway. I only get to eat if we get a certain number of visits.

The Electric Mayhem didn’t need fancy-pants viral videos to sell records. It used to be about the MUSIC, man!

Finally, this past Saturday – August 27th – marked the 20th anniversary of Pearl Jam’s landmark “Ten” album. And let me tell you, that thing totally holds up. And I say that not just as a person for whom 1991 was a formative year. I also say it as an old person for whom contemporary music is strange and frightening.

That’s right, it’s a video of Pearl Jam playing “Evenflow.” Top that with your Kreayshawns and your Tylers the Creator. You can’t, pipsqueak!

Now you can relive the relatively antiquated hard rock stylings of Seattle’s second-favorite songs (third if you’re one of those Mudhoney people…) by voting on The Greatest Pearl Jam Albums. And can I just humbly request that more people give “Binaural” another listen? Seriously seriously underrated, you guys. Seriously.

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It's The List of The Day's First Day of School

Summer is coming to a (social) end. And by this I mean, of course, that it’s back to school time. The summer is by no means over, we’re still going to have awesome beach weather for a little while longer (and in LA, it’ll continue until we’re very well close to Christmas). But as far as the younguns are concerned, summer is basically over. The summer retail jobs are ending, video games are being finished and teenage summer romances are reaching their awkward “how the hell do I get out of this?” stage (unless they creepily follow you back to the high school you attend)


“So, uh, yeah, I’ll give you a call sometime…”

For those of you starting college in this fine fall season of 2011 (the class of 2015), there are some sage words of advice the internet has to give you. And those words of advice is “learn from our mistakes”, “don’t be an idiot” and “don’t fall for the oldest tricks in the book”.

So, thankfully, this generation has a meme looking out for them. It’s a meme that gives them great advice by ruthlessly mocking all the dumbest, most cliche, idiotic or just plain naive things we all did as college freshmen. 

We present to you, the College Freshman Meme — chronicling the best in what everybody does (or thinks) as a young, dumb college freshman. 

Have fun, make the most of it, study but don’t study too hard, and most importantly, meet as many attractive people that like you as you possibly can. They’ll come in handy later… ifyouknowwhatimsayin.

The Very Best of the College Freshman Meme 

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Today's List of the Day is Full of Band Geeks

Remember that movie Drumline and how unmistakingly badass it made marching bands look?

Yeah, neither do we. 

BUT, turns out that a lot of the band geeks you might have picked on in high school may actually turn out to be quite the famous celebrities, so watch who you pick on.


This comes from experience. Being a band geek wasn’t like in Glee. One assembly didn’t lead to people singing along with you, a huge fanfare and you somehow getting the girl/guy; it most often led to your parents buying you some ice cream on the way home before you tried to fit in as much Nintendo as you could before bed. 

No, this is not the way of marching band nowadays. Geeks are taking over the world and everything that used to be weird or nerdy is now okay and downright cool. So if you were in marching band, you were most likely missing out. Although it seems lately that we’ve gone from this…

to this…

although nowadays you do get a fair amount of this…

So, just to prove that people in band CAN be cool, here’s a list of celebrities that, at some point in their school careers, were in marching band. From Halle Berry, Gwen Stefani and Woody Allen, to Julia Roberts, Steven Spielberg and even Bill Clinton.

Wear your band geekdom proud today, nerds, and let your flag fly (and please, try not to drop it).

30 Famous People Who Were Once in Marching Band

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Today's Earth-Shattering List of the Day

Sometimes, a natural disaster hits and it brings us all together. Nothing could be more true for the West Coast when on August 23, 2011, the East coast felt a 5.9 earthquake from Virginia to Toronto and went into a fit of panic. Since the West Coast usually sleeps through earthquakes of this size, the West Coast got together (San Francisco, LA, Portland, Seattle, all working in perfect harmony) to relentlessly make fun of the East Coast “Earthquake Virgins” for about 12 hours. Because nothing happened.

The Devastation Was Horrifying…

Twitter then erupted with a barrage of snarky Tweets from funny people…

and the rest of the internet, including Reddit, didn’t hold back either. 

Today’s list of the day is a round-up by the hilarious Ranker user Robert Wabash, chronicling the best of the West Coast making fun of the East Coast for being at all worried about an earthquake. 

So, here’s an earth-shatteringly hilarious list about something that shook up quite a bit of the East Coast. 

The Funniest Internet Reactions to the East Coast Earthquake of 2011

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Part of This Nutritious List of the Day

We like to talk on the Ranker blog about all the IMPORTANT lists being written on the site. Lists discussing political and world events. Lists that teach you facts about science, nature and history. Lists that try to help you choose the next movie, TV show, music or book that you’re going to love. And, yes, lists that attempt to determine – scientifically, of course – which actresses on “Entourage” are the hottest.

But Ranker’s also just about having fun listing your favorite STUFF, even if it’s kind of silly. And everyone – well, everyone without severe sensitivities to gluten – loves cereal. So why not have a vote on our massive Crowdranked list of the All-Time Best Breakfast Cereals?

Follow my nose! Which, now that I think about it, is attached to the rest of my body. So, just, um, follow me, I guess!

The results so far, after nearly 50 voters, are intriguing. Sugary or sweet cereals obviously took off to an early lead – 4 of the Top 5 are traditionally thought of as “kids cereals,” and only Raisin Bran appears to really be holding it down for the grown-ups. But I don’t think anyone, high fructose corn syrup or no, expected to see Corn Pops so high up the list. Corn Pops more popular than Corn Flakes? Than Golden Grahams? Lucky Charms? Surely you jest…

And what of Trix? Easily one of the most iconic, recognizable advertising campaigns in breakfast history, and it can’t even make it into the Top 25 favorite cereals?

Silly rabbit, Trix are for… well, not too many people, as it turns out.

Go ahead and vote for your favorites to help switch around the order. And if we’ve missed any of your favorite morning snacks, make your own list and nominate some more cereals. You surely can’t be the only one who likes Mueslix… right?

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The List of the Wee-Week

It’s impossible to write a weekly wrap-up post for this past week that DOESN’T acknowledge French actor Gerard Depardieu urinating on a plane. Anderson Cooper is probably still laughing about it. So let’s just get that out of the way here up front…

OK, everyone got the giggles out? Can we get on with the lists that MATTERED this week? Anderson?

No, no, it’s okay, I’ll wait…

OK. Glad we could all get that out of our system, because lots of other stories happened this week, too, and Ranker even had lists that were made about some of them.

Like the FBI detaining a 17-year-old Tampa high school student who had planned to set off a bomb on the first day of school. (The first day! Talk about not having a restful summer vacation…)

A fascinating tidbit from the story was the student mentioning that he had seen a Wifi signal called “FBI_SURVEILLANCE_VAN” in his neighborhood in the days before the arrest. The sheer, breathtaking stupidity of law enforcement agents identifying themselves to a target int his way, inspired Autumn Spragg’s Biggest FBI FAILs collection. Other notable G-man goofs include leaving behind important internal documents while searching a suspect’s home, putting a wire on an informant incorrectly (thus returning no useful information) and investigating the murder of a corpse that turned out to be Trent Reznor making a music video. (Really! That happened!)

He’s not dead. He’s resting.

Republican presidential candidate and Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann was in the news this week after making not one but two kind of silly public mistakes. First, she encouraged a crowd at a South Carolina rally to help her celebrate Elvis Presley’s birthday on August 16th, which actually – it turns out – is the anniversary of his death. (Hey, nothing a couple peanut butter, banana and bacon sandwiches can’t fix!)

Then, two days later, Bachmann said that Americans are concerned about the rise of the Soviet Union. Which, considering that it hasn’t existed in about 2 decades, is not really all that great of a concern. It’s fair to say that Americans as of this week were genuinely more concerned about the rise of the Planet of the Apes than the Soviet Union.

OK, so I may not have known much about Russia just because it’s geographically close to part of Alaska, but at least I know it’s not still the Soviet Union. Now who’s dangerously under-qualified?

These flubs were added to Ranker user PilgrimsProgressive’s ongoing list of Michele Bachmann Slip-Ups and Errors. Two date, it has 9 entries, most of them from some point in the 2011 campaign thus far.

And finally, the NFL’s pre-season games have started this week, kicking off anticipation not only for the 2011-2012 football season but also the forthcoming update to the long-running “Madden NFL” franchise from EA Games. The new edition – “Madden NFL 12” – comes out August 30th, and will feature running back Peyton Hillis of the Cleveland Browns on the cover.

At Ranker HQ, we discussed the validity of the long-rumored “Madden NFL cover curse,” alleging that players featured on the cover would incur a run of bad luck afterwards, most frequently occurring in the same season that they appeared on the game.

Does this theory actually hold any water? I’d tell you if I knew anything at all about football, other than that the term “pigskin” is sometimes substituted for football, which is extremely unpleasant. But you can test it out for yourself by checking out Arthur Roderick’s guide to All the Madden NFL Cover Athletes. It even includes the franchise’s namesake, John Madden, who is on the cover not in his original “football player” incarnation but his more recent “TV presenter constantly doodling like a 4th grader all over the screen” persona.

They told me to stand here holding this football looking like I was explaining something and BOOM!, this is what I came up with.

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The List of the Day Does Not Compute

Researchers from IBM Corp. this week claimed to have created a new computer chip that processes information like a human brain. What does this mean? Basically, it computes for a few minutes, then takes a break to get some more coffee, play a few rounds of Zynga Poker and discuss weekend plans with the computer chip directly to its right. Also, it’s more adaptable and responsive to external stimuli, able to run large processes simultaneously and more reliant on memory than existing computer hardware.

So how does the Ranker community respond to such a technological breakthrough, perhaps the most significant change to computing in decades? By making a Crowdranked list of the most awesome robots of all time, of course. Where you been, man?

I COULD keep going on with more insightful, accurate details about this computer chip…but I wouldn’t want to BORE you all…

Leading the All-Time Robot Awesomeness list right now is, naturally, Autobots commander-in-chief Optimus Prime, whose standing probably isn’t hurt by the fact that he has currently stars in a blockbuster movie franchise. #2, replicant Roy Batty from “Blade Runner,” would be a bit more surprising if the news hadn’t just hit this week that a prequel or sequel or reboot or something was likely in the works. (First, Ridley Scott revisits the “Alien” universe and now “Blade Runner”? Can a “White Squall” follow-up be far behind?)

Remember, this is a Crowdranked list, so if your favorite pop culture-bot didn’t yet make the list, there’s still time to add them! Can’t help but notice the Pink Robots from the Flaming Lips album of the same name weren’t on there yet. Possibly because they’re programmed to destroy us?

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If You Haven't Read the List of the Day, It's New to You!

It’s almost Fall again, which means it’s time for the networks to introduce their exciting slates of new TV shows, most of which will no longer be on the air by the time the actual season of Fall draws to a close. It’s expensive to mount a TV show, after all, so only the real winners – the best of the best – are worth keeping on for the long haul. You think “Gary Unmarried” getting renewed for a second season was an accident? OK, actually, that probably was an accident. But you see what I mean.

Jay Mohr explains how he got CBS to renew “Gary Unmarried” by threatening to start blowing up school buses. Hey, he’s a big “Die Hard With a Vengeance” fan…

On Ranker, the community today started discussing which new Fall 2011 shows they were anticipating, and which new concepts didn’t really work for them. The top two on the list are both crime thrillers with a gimmicky psychological twist.

“Unforgettable” follows a cop (Poppy Montgomery) who has perfect memory, and uses it to solve crimes. “Person of Interest” – from “Memento” writer Jonathan Nolan – stars Michael Emerson (Ben from “Lost”) as a billionaire who invents a machine that can identify people who will be involved in a crime. Unfortunately, he can’t tell if these people are the victims, the criminals or the witnesses. So he hires (still with me?) a former CIA agent (played by Jim Caviezel) to track these people down and stop the crime from happening. Sort of like “Minority Report” meets “Quantum Leap.” but will it work without Dean Stockwell?

Ziggy says “probably not,” Sam, but the guy is Christopher Nolan’s brother…I don’t know…

Also eagerly anticipated is Fox’s “Terra Nova,” about a group of time travelers who found a colony in prehistoric Earth. It stars Stephen Lang from “Avatar” as a character who looks a lot like Stephen Lang from “Avatar.”

I have a beard this time. Totally different.

And what show are Ranker-ites NOT terribly excited about? Here’s a hint!

Another adaptation of “Charlie’s Angels” from Drew Barrymore? What’s next, she’s going to turn it into a grand opera?

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You Are Now Free to Move About the List of the Day

For most Americans, it had probably been a while since they had reason to think about iconic French actor Gérard Depardieu. Sure, he’s made Stateside film appearances here and there. “Green Card.” “My Father, the Hero.” That ridiculous Ridley Scott debacle where he played Christopher Columbus. But he’s hardly a household name, and he’s focused largely on movies lately that… how shall I put this… have no chance of actually appealing to Americans in any way, shape or form, what with all them foreign-y words and lack of fighting space robots.

But today, today Depardieu’s name was on everyone’s lips, both in the US and abroad. For today, word spread that the actor – waiting an unbearably long time on the tarmac for a flight from Dublin to Paris – simply stood up and relieved himself right there in the airplane’s aisle.

Obviously, as Larry Flynt’s Hustler Airlines remains in the early planning stages, this sort of thing is universally frowned-upon in the air travel industry. (We should note as well that Depardieu disputes this specific version of events, and insists he was attempting to urinate in a bottle when, regrettably, “spillage” occurred. Which I think we can all agree is the least tasteful use of the term “spillage” since the Exxon Valdez disaster.)

Depardieu seen here in character as the French guy from that early “Simpsons” episode who put antifreeze in his wine.

The whole ugly incident (and I don’t use that term lightly) inspired Alby Thompson’s list of Celebrities Who Have Behaved Badly on Airplanes.

Most surprising? Christian Slater got caught at New York’s JFK Airport trying to board a plane with an unlicensed gun in his luggage. I’ll repeat myself, because that is so ridiculously stupid, and I don’t trust you to go back and re-read the last sentence for comic effect. HE WAS TRYING TO BOARD A PLANE WITH AN UNLICENSED GUN IN HIS LUGGAGE. Bear in mind, though, this was a pre-9/11 world, where passengers frequently engaged in casual, spontaneous games of Russian Roulette to pass the time on trans-continental flights.

Maybe I’ll just keep the entire can of 7 Up. What are you gonna do about it, smart guy?

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Hey Girl, It's Today's List of the Day. Awww Yeah.

Some internet memes take very specific occurrences we face in life every day and bring attention to them in a hilarious manner using a cute animal or dumb looking person. This meme is just a series of science puns put together with sexual innuendos. It’s immature. 

And juvenile. Who thinks this is funny?

We do. Because these are amazing.

They also kind of remind Lon and I of one of the greatest sketches of all time, if not for just how sleezy all of these pickup lines sound. This is a clip from The State, one of the greatest sketch shows of all time (form the 90s). 

Get More: MTV2 Legit, MTV Shows

Amazing. Imagine that song playing whenever you read today’s list of the day The Very Best of the Pickup Line Scientist Meme (or The Big Bang Theory Meme), because we know you’re gonna come crawlin’ right back to the list next time you need a way to pickup a fine piece of lovin’ at your local internet cafe.


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