Today (Friday)’s list of the day is a warning. It’s a friendly reminder from us to you, because we not only care about you, but care about the future of film.
Zookeeper will be a crappy movie.
Unless you have kids, or unless you’re looking to bring a flask with some friends to a kids movie (a practice that we here don’t condone by any stretch of the imagination, of course), this movie is going to suck.
This movie features not only Kevin James asking animals for dating advice, but those animals giving it to him, and then laughing at him. This is about as funny as this movie gets.
Did you know that earlier this year a woman bought her 7-year old daughter an elaborate birthday gift that made the news? Did you know that the birthday gift in question was a breast augmentation surgery voucher? And that not only was she not surprised by it, she was excited? She asked for some other things which she also got, making it a multi-thousand dollar birthday, so needless to say, this will be one well-adjusted, socially giving human being in 10 years.
Also in mother-of-the-year awards news, a pregnant woman actually believed that smoking 15-20 cigarettes every single day while she was pregnant made her daughter Lily “stronger”.
So, Casey “Everyone Thought I Was Guilty” Anthony was found not-guilty of first degree murder of her own child today. In case you haven’t heard the story, negligent mother Casey Anthony’s toddler-aged daughter Caylee Anthony was found dead. After this, there was a lot of evidence pointing to the idea that Casey Anthony killed the daughter herself. Quite a lot, actually. Enough for this acquittal to be compared to the OJ Simpson trial. And pretty much everyone had an opinion about this.
Happy birthday, America! It’s July 4th once again, which means a day off from work. Hooray! Oh, yeah, and also time to reflect on the founding of the nation and those who bravely gave of their lives in order to declare our independence from England. That’s good too.
We know you’re probably going to spend the day with friends, at barbecues, watching fireworks and other, wholesome outdoorsy kinds of activities. Totally get that. But maybe, just maybe, you’ll have a few minutes to spare to look at some amazing Ranker lists! (Or it’s possible you’re also just pretending to have lots of social, active things to do as an excuse to lounge around in pajamas all day surfing the Internet and eating cereal straight from the box with total impunity. Don’t think it had not occurred to us.)
In either case, you’ll definitely want to check these lists out:
Just as integral to the July 4th holiday as hot dogs and ironic aprons are the annual warnings to children and immature adults not to play around with dangerous explosives. But, of course, some people just don’t listen. Which is why this list is both entertaining and a helpful cautionary tale, all wrapped up into one.
In this sample clip, an entire fireworks FACTORY explodes:
No one was injured, so it’s okay to find this clip amusing. And to post this:
Sure, at Ranker we have a lot of fun posting animated “Simpsons” gifs and videos of exploding factories. But we’re also about LEARNING, people!
Dozens of community members so far have helped us narrow down this thorough list of the most significant battles in US military history.
Interestingly, battles of the American Revolution – the reason for the season, as it were – don’t seem to rate all that high on the list. The Battles of Lexington and Concord, which served to kick off the conflict, currently don’t appear on the list until #8. Think this is wrong? Let us know by going through to the list and voting for the battles YOU think matter the most. It’s not too late to have your opinion change around the order of the list.
What could possibly be more American than a Michael Bay movie about 3D robots from space killing each other while simultaneously taking out large sectors of Downtown Chicago? NOTHING! (Except maybe Tom Hanks going to community college, I suppose…)
Now you can relive all your favorite moments from one of the summer’s loudest films with our list of the best quotes from “Transformers: Dark of the Moon.” Yes, there is actually dialog in the film. I swear. Even aside from Tyrese grunting. You may have gone to the restroom at that part. Understandable, as the movie is, after all, approximately 11 hours long.
Yes, my face is somewhat cold and expressionless for a lead character in an extended film franchise. So what? Wanna 3D robot fight about it?
Votes are still being tallied for our massive CrowdRanked list that will settle – once and for all – who was the greatest American president to date. Unsurprisingly, lanky stove-pipe hat enthusiast Abraham Lincoln is out in front. Much to the consternation of this man…
Oh, Franklin Pierce…will you ever win?
Some of our most unpopular recent presidents – your Tricky Dick Nixons, for example – are still faring rather well, actuall. It really is still anybody’s game. Unless you’re Warren G. Harding, that is. I guess we’re all still kind of upset about that Teapot Dome Scandal thing.
This one’s going to be a nail-biter, so be sure to get in there and make your own ranking, which is the best way to influence the final result.
Finally, a list about our uniquely American love of things that are BIG. Ranker user Adam Thomas threw together a salute to the overweight Americans of video game history that we think is worth a look, even if you’re one of those gamers who prefers a vegan option.
The comments thread already has some provocative challenges to the list. Though Mario is clearly of Italian descent (and speaks with an Italian accent, even), are the accepted parts of the Mario canon implying he lives in Brooklyn enough to quality him for the list? And what of King Hippo? Surely he was from some place called “Hippo Island”! Also, whose brilliant idea was it to put an enormous cartoon band-aid over the sole weak spot on his entire body? Let’s think ahead, folks…
The United States Constitution contains 27 amendments. How many of them can you name? I mean sure, you’ve got the first ten or so memorized, probably, since they make up The Bill of Rights, but how many more beyond that? What’s the 17th? How about the latest one, passed in the 90s?
Just like Sarah Palin, most of us don’t know the ins and outs of American history like we did the night/morning before the tests we took in middle/high school; but not to worry, to get geared up for the holiday weekend, our list of the day today is here to help!
Every time he goes for a swim, dolphins appear. When it is raining, it is because he is thinking about something sad. His blood smells like cologne. His charm is so contagious, vaccines have been created for it. He is the most interesting man in the world (from the Dos Equis commercials).
And this man, through this creative, fun and absolutely absurd commercials, much like the Old Spice guy, has reached meme status. He is the epitome of man and the commercials make us laugh, which seems to be all we need for the “manly” memes ever year.
Every time The Most Interesting Man in the World ends a commercial he says “I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis”.
So, 4chan and Reddit started photoshopping this catchphrase into various other situations, and thus a meme was born.
What’s your favorite Saturday Night Live era? A lot of people will go for the original cast, while some others prefer the Chris Farley, David Spade, Mike Meyers crew who ushered in the Will Ferrells of the world. No matter who you liked, there’s a list for you on the Ranker profile called The Best of SNL, including videos from some of the best eras in Saturday Night Live history. From great monologues to some of the most memorable bits of all time.
So if you were into “we come from France” or a guy who “lives in a van down by the river”, today’s list of the day has the right round-up for you.
The new documentary “Page One” centers on the New York Times Media Desk over the course of a single year, looking at the lives of the people who make the news every day, as well as the changes that online competition has brought to newsrooms. Here at Ranker, we enjoyed the film AND watching it gave us a list idea! “The Most Intense Movie Newsrooms of all Time.” Yes, we think about lists even when we’re watching movies…
The newsroom is an ideal setting for a movie – the drama, the conflict, the fast pace, the yelling! We tried to cull together the best examples of exciting scenes set in the newspaper, magazine and TV news business, pulling in movies from a range of genres and styles.
This was a challenge to put together, as movies about journalists span so many different genres, they can be difficult to compare. Which is the more realistic 1970s newsroom setting – David Fincher’s meticulously crafted true-life procedural, “Zodiac,” or Will Ferrell’s satirical workplace comedy “Anchorman”? OK, maybe that’s a bad example. But you get what we mean.
Will Ferrell with milk in his beard isn’t hyper-clickable? Perhaps this photo was a bad choice…
Ranker HQ is located deep in the heart of Hollywood, California, just across from the famed Chinese Theater and directly in front of the stars on the Walk of Fame. We’re SO CLOSE to the center of movie magic, in fact, that whenever they shut down Hollywood Blvd. for premieres, it gets quite challenging for our team to make it to work.
“Hey, Hollywood Studios, maybe consider occasionally hosting your premieres somewhere that ISN’T the main route through one of the busiest parts of one of the world’s most congested cities during the height of the busy tourist season” is something you might hear us say now and again. Thank goodness they don’t do it too often. Only every time a movie opens.
Handy LA Traffic Simulator! Just turn up the heat very high in your apartment, put on the most shrill irritating radio station you can find and look at this picture. Now pretend you have somewhere REALLY important to be in 12 minutes. Enjoy!
It’s all part of the constant struggle against other people that is life in Los Angeles. But it’s nothing to stress out about…And if you’re new to Los Angeles, be sure to check out Ranker’s new list of 10 Things to Learn When You Move to LA. It’s full of helpful advice like “don’t look at celebrities,” “don’t drive during rush hour,” “don’t leave the house during the rain” and “you know what, maybe don’t bother moving to LA at all…how about that?”
Another week has come and gone, and with it, another crop of timely Ranker lists. The Ranker community doesn’t just keep up with the news…They re-imagine it in list form.
Here were some of the stories we covered this week…
Whitey Bulger Captured!
On Wednesday afternoon, 81-year-old Boston crime boss Whitey Bulger was apprehended by the FBI in Santa Monica, California, where he had apparently been hiding out for some time. (The last known sighting of Bulger was in London in 2002.) Bulger had been on the run since 1994, and was wanted in connection with over 20 murders! He is also said to be a major inspiration for Jack Nicholson’s character in the Martin Scorsese movie “The Departed.”
For Bulger’s sake, let’s hope the animal print robes were just artistic license…
That was considered menacing enough to earn Bulger a spot on Ranker’s list of 13 Notorious Irish Gangsters. Interestingly, a lot of other gangsters on the list went on to inspire film characters, including John Looney – who became Paul Newman’s character John Rooney in “Road to Perdition” – and James Burke – known as “Jimmy Conway” when Robert DeNiro portrayed him in the crime classic “Goodfellas.”
The lesson? Crime doesn’t pay exactly but it can turn into a movie deal if you live through it.
George Clooney Continues Breaking Hearts
Shocking news from the world of entertainment this week as international bon vivant and occasional stop-motion animated fox voicer George Clooney broke up with his non-unattractive Italian actress girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis. Here is a photo of her that, were you to show it to George Clooney, would likely earn you a knowing half-smirk:
This is Wikipedia’s file image of Elisabetta Canalis. I swear. That’s totally why I picked it. No other reason.
Having some trouble keeping all of The Cloon’s exes straight? You’re not the only one. Thankfully, Ranker can help, with our definitive guide to All Former George Clooney Loves (including rumored ones and hookups!) And if that’s not quite judgmental enough for you, there’s also a VoteRanked list of all of George’s former flames ordered by hotness. Go ahead and vote for your favorites!
Ron Artest is now Metta World Peace
Once-notorious NBA small forward Ron Artest has changed his ways of late, and now plans to change his name to match his new outlook. The new handle: Metta World Peace. (“Metta” is the buddhist concept of “loving-kindness.” Duh.)
Ranker is home to a lot of Artest fans (we’re located in Los Angeles, after all), so the site’s had a running tally of memorable Ron Artest Moments going for some time. Clearly, this name change made the cut. Also, this weird song he did about his workout routine:
New Summer Movies!
Two big new summer movies hit theaters this week.
First up, Cameron Diaz stars in Jake Kasdan’s comedy “Bad Teacher.” It’s about a bad teacher who tries to become a somewhat better teacher in order to score breast implants. Finally, Hollywood is starting a serious conversation about education reform!
There’s Something About Geometry…
Next up, Pixar prepares to sell enough car-themed merchandise to create the trash-consumed “WALL-E” dystopia they always dreamed of with the release of “Cars 2.” All your favorites are back from the first “Cars” movie, like…that one that sounds like Larry the Cable Guy…and that Italian stereotype one…and, um…
The new film does feature the voices of Eddie Izzard and Michael Caine, so it can’t be all bad. Plus, Pixar!
Why would a world built by cars for cars have skyscrapers in it? I DEMAND ANSWERS, LASSETER!
In other movie news, this week saw the limited release of the documentary “Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop,” about the comedian’s stage tour following his split from NBC’s “Tonight Show.” Hopefully it will be opening everywhere soon! Until then, tide yourself over with these classic Conan O’Brien quotes and quips.
RIP Ryan Dunn and Peter Falk
Ryan Dunn, one of the core members of the team behind the “Jackass” TV show and films, died after driving off a road in West Goshen Township, Pennsylvania. He was 34 years old. The circumstances behind Dunn’s demise became somewhat controversial. He was allegedly intoxicated at the time, and was traveling at dangerous speeds, as observed by many on social media within the hours after the accident (including film critic Roger Ebert, no stranger to controversy). What was never in doubt was that Dunn left his fans with a plethora of outrageous skits, pranks and stunts. Ranker’s Angie Marie collected some of them in a Ryan Dunn Memorial list.
Just one more thing…Also leaving us this week was legendary actor Peter Falk. Though perhaps best known as TV’s Lt. Columbo, the highlights of Falk’s filmography are too numerous to even list here. For the curious, we recommend: “The In-Laws,” any of Falk’s collaborations with director John Cassavetes, “The Princess Bride,” Jon Favreau’s “Made” and Wim Wenders’ “Wings of Desire.” The Peter Falk tribute list has more recommendations, not to mention videos of a lot of great Peter Falk memories.