Sorry to disappoint you with that headline. I figured more people would come if they thought we had punch and pie.
But we do have another great list to share. (I know, who would have thought… )
Yesterday, as attentive readers will recall, Rupert Murdoch was testifying before a British Parliament committee when a burly plaid-clad “comedian” named Jonathan May-Bowles threw a “foam pie” at his face.
Yes, it was a foam pie. A pie made with foam. We’re not quite sure what May-Bowles was hoping would happen if he fully connected. Murdoch would be upset for a moment, then have a nice shave? Why not just go get a real pie like any self-respecting provocateur?
Anyway, Rupert’s sturdy and unflappable wife Wendi managed to sort of half-knock the pie out of the way, and even get a good slap in at May-Bowles, before the incident wound down to its inevitable, disappointing conclusion. (Within a few moments, Murdoch was all cleaned up and appeared so worse for wear, and we can only assume that May-Bowles is not being held in an underground bunker somewhere, getting foam pies in the face every five minutes while being forced to watch the episode of “The O’Reilly Factor” where Bill insists that no one can explain the tides at top volume.
The whole incident did get us thinking about all the various times protesters have tried to throw things at notable public officials, only to be foiled at the last moment. It turns out, this happens quite a lot, so we made a list of all the most Disappointing Object-Throwing Incidents and Protest FAILs in recent history.
Why don’t more people study the work of the Great Masters? Then they’d have more success.
Not that we’re suggesting you check out the Weakest Moments in Object Throwing as a learning aid for a future planned egging of a public official. Let me make that entirely clear. Ranker does not support or condone throwing anything silly at politicians, authors, pundits, executives or anyone else for that matter. Seriously. Not even Zach Braff. Just don’t do it.
Greetings, true Rankers. Today’s List of the Day finds us in the heart of Crime City, where valiant Ranker user SaintMort is rattling off a list of all the superheroes with some kind of disability. (Seems fitting on the week of San Diego’s Comic Con, when so many people will travel to California to celebrate costumed superheroes, heavy drinking, movie studio swag and, of course, Twilight movies! Squeeeeeee!)
The screaming fans are already lining up at Hall H to see us… I’m scared. Hold me.
Handicapped superheroes aren’t really as rare as you might think. Lots of characters only get their powers in the first place after suffering through some kind of freak accident. Like Matt Murdock being blinded by radioactive waste, but also attaining super-sonar! And a staggering lack of basic fashion sense! Or consider the case of Dr. Stephen Strange, a neurosurgeon whose hands are damaged in a car accident, but who then gets invited to learn all the secrets of the mystic arts.
Drive safe, kids, or you may end up flying through space leaping out of psychedelic skulls. Wait, that actually sounds not so bad.
As well, a common comic book trope seems to be “The very thing that makes you powerful also can make you vulnerable,” so it makes sense that some characters with rare and unnatural abilities would also have some pretty significant disadvantages. Just kind of a bummer, though…
Hello and welcome to your first helping of meme Mondays! Why meme Mondays? Because there’s nothing better to start you off on your week than knowing you’re behind on something.
For those of you not in the know, an internet meme is sort of an “inside” joke of the internet — kind of like the kind of inside jokes you have to deal with when you hang out with your significant other and their friends, only you (yes, you) can actually participate. Memes are born when multiple people contribute to an image, video or phrase, making it evolve into something that everyone can laugh at.
And since Ranker users have really taken a shine to rounding up memes, we have enough to do meme Mondays until “advice memes” stop being popular.
Starting us off is The Very Best of the Oblivious Suburban Mom Meme. Reddit’s AdviceAnimals section (where a lot of these memes are born, well, where a lot of these memes are raised) took a picture of a pretty attractive almost-middle-aged woman and started making her say the kind of stuff that your normal, in-denial (or really that oblivious) suburban mom would think about her kids doing “adult” or “illegal” things.
So enjoy the very best of this meme that makes fun of clueless, idealistic parents.
Speaking of clueless idealism, when’s the last time you talked to a child about music? Nothing on earth will make you feel older.
“Paul McCartney! You don’t know Paul McCartney?!”
“Oh, you mean Jesse McCartney’s dad? Is that him? Is he an actor or something?”
This causes much distress. Especially when the kid thinks he/she knows everything already, even though they’re in 8th grade, which means they’re just starting to like stuff. At all.
And then it hits a peak when they say things like this:
We have been holed up in the Ranker offices on Wilshire in Los Angeles for 3 days now, waiting out Carmageddon, hoping and praying that some other people are left out there…alive. We have little water left, and are subsisting on a thin gruel made of coffee grinds and old “Best of 2008” lists. (Best song: Rihanna and T.I.’s “Live Your Life”? What were you thinking, people of 3 years ago?)
Last night, it got really quiet, and Brian thought he could make a break for it, but he was only about 20 feet out the door when one of the cars got him. He made it back inside and seemed okay, but he’s…different somehow. Changed. This morning, I thought I caught him sipping on motor oil and making “vroom” noises, but it could just be the stress getting to me. I haven’t been sleeping.
We’re going to continue to wait, for as long as we can last. In the meantime, Ranker users outside of LA, who managed to escape this dys-autopian nightmare have made some lists about other stuff that happened this week. Check ‘em out.
This week’s hot new music startup was Spotify, the subscription music service that’s already been a big hit in Europe and has FINALLY landed on American shores after working out deals with all the record labels. Users can stream music to their computers for free (with ads), pay $5 a month to dump the ads or $10 a month to stream music to their mobile devices.
The library is pretty amazing, but before you dive in and start collecting your favorite post-pop-emocore-abilly songs into a playlist, check out these Spotify Tips, Tricks and Hints to make sure you’re, you know, doing it right. Can you imagine if you were sharing that Best Reggae Jams playlist publicly, and accidentally had left some Rocksteady in there? Shock! Horror!
Good news, everyone! New Jersey resident and soon-to-be-national hero Donna Simpson, who currently weighs in at a solid 700 pounds, has announced her intention to gain the additional 300 pounds needed to secure the world record! Plus she’s promised to do most of the actual required eating in front of a webcam, so all of us amateur gluttons can enjoy her achievements vicariously.
If this all sounds vaguely familiar, it’s probably because Homer Simpson (no relation…probably…) hatched a similar scheme back in the ’90s, with somewhat disappointing results.
Still waiting for his special dialing wand
To commemorate Donna’s historic attempt to eat a metric ton of bacon, Ranker user Barbara Gaston threw together this list of Great Historical Gluttons. Hey, she’s sharing a list with Elvis Presley! The King! It’s a compliment!
New Movie Trailers
Tons of new movie trailers debuted this week, in part because a new “Harry Potter” film opened, so they know a lot of people will be in theaters waiting to see if the kids get back to the Shire. (That’s what it’s about, yes?) They’re all on our 2011 Movie Trailer list, including this new spot for Martin Scorsese’s 3D adventure story “Hugo.” LET’S WATCH!
Sacha Baron Cohen’s 3D nude wrestling scene, I predict, will cause some controversy…
5 years ago this week, Twitter (then called Twittr) was introduced to the public. Hard to believe it’s been that long! Before then, if you wanted to know what someone had had for lunch, and if it was delicious, you’d have to actually call them up and ask them! Not that anyone ever did that. Because, really, let’s be honest, who cares? But still…Twitter…woooo!
Aimee Mann can eat a hot bowl of…oh, hey, kids, stay in school!
OK, that provided a few moments of distraction from the horrorscape that is post-Carmageddon Los Angeles. (Thinking we should start calling it “New Los Angeles.” Sounds more post-Carmageddon-y.)
I’ll send word if I can. Hopefully the US government still exists and the military can get some tanks through to us. Also, please, if you see my wife, tell her… oh God… I hear engines revving… I think they’re in the building… I… Oh no…
This weekend marks the end of one of the biggest film, book and pop culture phenomenons of the last decade. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 came out today, and with it, all the Muggles obsessed with the franchise are out in the streets, in full form. Waiting in line, in costumes and drinking butter beer.
And while most of them aren’t as crazy as this
or this (she creepily asks to touch his face — this entire video is gold)…
.. they(we) did manage to break some records. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 made more money in ticket sales at one midnight showing across the United States than most movies do in their entire opening weekend. $44 Million for a midnight screening, baby! (For more Crazy Harry Potter Fans check out Mark’s list of The 13 Craziest Harry Potter Fans Moments of All Time).
But… ever since the rise in popularity of the Harry Potter franchise, fans have been trying to make the wizarding world of Harry Potter into something real. Like, really real.
I mean, take this guy. In this world (California, of course), there’s a real human being who honestly believes in magic who went ahead and created a real school for wizards. Where he teaches magic. To kids.
So with this and some other awe-inspiring stories, here’s the list of the day.
The Emmy nominations were announced this morning, if you happened to be in Los Angeles and awake at an hour that most of us would consider “obscene.” These award nominations are always interesting, because so many of the same people are nominated year after year for the same awards. Steve Carrell has been up for Best Actor in a Comedy Series 5 times and has yet to win. Jon Hamm’s hoping the 4th nomination is a charm for his role as ’60s ad exec Don Draper. But it’s all worth it for that moment of triumph, when all the world loves you, and then immediately forgets which person actually won the award, and who just appeared on stage as a presenter.
– Have any of us actually won Emmys for this show yet?
– I don’t remember. Let’s smoke indoors.
This year, we’re putting our necks out by making some bold Emmy Winner Predictions on Ranker. We’re not the gambling type, but our money’s on “Mad Men” and “Mildred Pierce” to have a big night. (Be on the lookout for a potential “Boardwalk Empire” upset, however.) Also, we’re thinking Carrell will finally get the award for his last season on “The Office.” You know, to go along with that entire room filled with Dundees.
It’s the height of summer, and the crew from Ranker has clearly missed a lot of its favorite shows. So we’ve seen an uptick in lists collecting the best moments from certain popular TV characters.
First up, for obvious reasons, is “Parks and Recreation’s” own Ron Swanson, a man whose staunch libertarianism and love for salted pork products has rocketed him into the Internet popularity stratosphere in 2011. (He even has a blog about cats who resemble him AND his own fake Ben and Jerry’s flavor!”)
Not remotely one of the series’ focal points when it debuted a few years back, Nick Offerman’s Director of the Parks and Rec department has taken over as the show’s primarily protagonist of late.
Ranker’s rundown of Ron Swanson’s Greatest Moments includes a number of great clips of Swanson being Swanson. Leading things off, naturally, is the Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness:
Remember, skim milk is on there twice for a REASON. (Also, there’s just something funny about a grown man saying the phrase “deer meat.”)
One of our favorite comedy series is actually back this week after a year-long hiatus. Yes, it’s Larry David’s HBO powerhouse “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” And though we love Larry, Marty Funkhauser, Richard Lewis and all the other usual suspects, it’s comedian J.B. Smoove as Larry’s one-time houseguest Leon Black that we felt really deserved a page of his own.
You made a list for me? RankHer.com? Never heard of it. Who gave you this number?
Leon’s Quotes and Scenes page can get a little…blue…but we tried to really capture the character’s ESSENCE on the page. Which means you’re going to be talking about butts a lot. There’s just not much that can be done about that…
We love memes. Are there occasionally times at Ranker HQ when we’re all quietly sitting at our desks, browsing the AdviceAnimals subreddit when we are meant to be working? Of course not, Ranker CEO Clark Benson who rarely checks in on our blog! I didn’t see you there for a second! Ha ha!
Anyway, where were we. Memes. Funny. Blog-style cutesy intro. Here are some of the best and brightest of the Internet fad world that have been cataloged by Ranker’s community for your amusement:
You know how, if you put glasses on top of an image of Disney’s Little Mermaid, it sort of looks like she’s judging you. That’s because she’s judging you. This is the meme in which you find out that, though she wanted to be part of our world, it was really just so she could make snarky comments about it. Ari-EL!!!!
Oh, you guys have legs? How, um, retro…
In the series of captioned photos that bear her name, Hipster Ariel spends most of her time informing you that you are too mainstream. Perhaps she moved to Silverlake, which doesn’t, as the name implies, really have a particularly swimmable lake, but DOES have a lot of irritating hipsters?
What ever happened to the innocent girl from the classic animated movie who liked to dance around to Calypso music? Can we get her back?
For more evidence that Ariel whole demeanor has just CHANGED to fit her new spectacles, check out Ranker’s Best of the Hipster Ariel Meme. And then hope the same fate doesn’t befall poor Simba!
He’s climbing in your windows. He’s snatching your people up. But don’t worry, he’s just trying to SCARE them to death. Nothing untoward. No need to hide your kids, wife or husband, as the case may be.
Yes, he’s the Horrifying Houseguest (sometimes referred to as the Never Alone), the creation of someone truly disturbed who apparently thought that too many of us were getting a good 8 hours of sleep per night. (Did I say 8? I meant 3-5 hours of sleep per night! Working hard, Mr. Benson! No time for casual gaming here!)
They’re trying to resurrect the Antoine Dodson meme. Scared yet?
In images featuring the Horrifying Houseguest, he’s typically making creepy threats, such that a spirit haunting the bedchamber of an Edgar Allan Poe protagonist might issue. For example:
It’s like the terrifying imagination of HP Lovecraft plus the awe-inspiring wonder of a doodle uploaded to the Internet.
If you’ve decided you just hate having your wits about you, by all means, see much much more of the Uninvited Guest on Ranker’s Guide to the Horrifying Houseguest Meme. Just, for goodness sakes, don’t feed him after midnight.
Have you heard of Louis CK yet? Over the last decade he’s been coming up as a prominent stand-up comedian. Like most comedians, he’s had failed television shows and an up-and-down career. But unlike most comedians, the man comes up with about an hour of new material once a year which, for a comedian, is absolutely insane. No falling back on old jokes, just ever-changing, apt, astute and hilarious comedy.
Here are some great bits of his…
On Being Broke
And here’s a good compilation by the DiggReel of his stuff on race, single people and the difference between men and women (some very NSFW language).
So, inevitably, Louis CK is absolutely hilarious on television appearances. From Conan O’Brien, to The Daily Show, Louis CK has made memorable television out of almost every appearance he makes on any show (yes, even on Jay Leno’s “new” Tonight Show).
So, today’s list of the day is a huge salute to Louis CK and his absolutely amazing television appearances.
What an eventful, crazy week of things happening that was, right? I mean, things happen every week, but this week…things REALLY happened. And Ranker users were right there, the whole time, making lists about it. Except for when they had to race to the fridge for a Diet Mountain Dew refill. Cause it was hot out there. (That’s not product placement, either. We at Ranker are just big fans of Diet Mountain Dew. Don’t judge.)
Here’s just some of the things that got listed this week…
One of America’s most outspoken and admired First Ladies, Betty Ford, passed away this week at the age of 93. Though historically significant for the bold feminist stances she made during her husband Gerald Ford’s relatively brief tenure as president, Ford is perhaps best remembered as the founder of the rehabilitation clinic, The Betty Ford Center.
The Center was forever memorialized in “The Simpsons” episode where Marge and Lisa take in a stage production called “Kickin’ It: A Musical Journey to the Betty Ford Center.” Observe:
The Simpsons…is there a single American organization they haven’t joked about at this point?
Anyway, for these achievements and more, it wasn’t a tough decision to add the late Ms. Ford to Ranker’s list of political wives who’ve overshadowed their husbands. I mean, President Ford was only president for 3 years! That hardly even counts! (Just kidding, Ford fans.)
By now, most of the Internet’s enthusiastic early adopters have flooded in to search giant Google’s new social network, Google+. What are the advantages of Google +, the new platform, over Facebook, the system everyone’s already been using for years, you may ask? Well…um…there’s circles for your friends! And…it’s not Facebook!
If you’re one of the millions who’s giving The Plus a try for the first time this weekend, may we humbly recommend Ranker’s ultimate guide to Google Plus tips and tricks for navigating the site? It covers most of the big questions n00bz will have upon logging in for the first time (“what’re these roundy things with the faces in ‘em?”), and also has some more high-level suggestions like hotkeys for navigating a bit faster, and options for importing your Facebook buddies.
For those of you who don’t live in Southern California, allow me to explain. Traffic is already very, very, very bad here. And next weekend, the city is planning to blow up the side of a mountain (!) and will have to shut down the 405 freeway for 2 full days. This will have roughly the same amount of impact on Los Angeles traffic as a series of nuclear bombs going off at random intervals city-wide. Just with more potential fatalities. (Also, no one steal that screenplay idea!)
What do you do, hotshot? What do you do?
To help brace us all for the impact, Ranker’s Ariel Kana looked back in horror at the worst traffic jams of all time. I’ll admit, it made me feel a bit better. (In an odd coincidence, Ms. Kana was NOT the only Ariel to make a big splash on Ranker this week…)
Take It Bachmann!
Minnesota Representative and Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann is no stranger to controversy. She once proposed that someone investigate Congress to root out individuals with anti-American views, and she kind of implied that Obama might be responsible for the swine flu. As one does.
This week was no different, with Bachmann (and presidential hopeful Rick Santorum) making headlines for signing a document called “The Marriage Vow – A Declaration of Dependence Upon Marriage and Family.” A passage near the beginning of the two-page paper caused some degree of uproar. It read:
“Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA’s first African-American President.”
Both Bachmann and Santorum responded by explaining that they were signing the “candidate vow” portion of the paper only, which pledges to, among other things, ban all forms of pornography. The group behind the document also removed the controversial passage later in the week.
We’re still in the height of summer, so a bevy of new releases continue to hit cineplexes every weekend. This week saw the opening of not one but two new comedies – the dark workplace satire “Horrible Bosses” and the slapstick Kevin Jame vehicle “Zookeeper.”
This doesn’t seem TOO horrible…unless she’s really biting down hard, in which case I’m fairly certain you can press charges.